Smash Hits August 1996

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You've been on tour with Boyzone - are they and Eternal guilty of lying about their love-up?
(Cautiously) I saw Ronan, Vernie, Shane, and Easther in this clothes shop in Manchester, and I thought, 'Ey up, what's going
on 'ere?' Who can say?

Patsy and Liam's tattoos: touching or sickening?
Why do it? Judging by their past lives, I can't see them staying together... but maybe this is it. I'm not a lover of tattoos though.

Should Upside Down be executed for their crimes against pop?
Ahh, that's not very fair. I've met Upside Down and they're actually nice lads. I'm sure they realise what they're doing musically
- they're not stupid. They went for the audition so they know what they're in for.

Oasis admitted to having nicked car radios in their youth. Should they got to jail?
Yeah, I think maybe six months in prison would sort Oasis out - I'd like to see them after that. They need it. I reckon they're
not as bad as they seem. I think they're a bit nancy.

What should we do with football hooligans?
We should ban 'em from football for three years. Definitely.

Moves have been made recently to limit funding for AIDS charities because it is seen as a purely "gay disease".
Is this right or wrong?
It's not just a gay disease. It reaches people of all sexual persuasions. AIDS is like a really scary word, but I know someone
with HIV and he's fine. People get confused with HIV and AIDS - they think that once you've got HIV, that's it... but you can
last for years.

How would Kavana QC have sorted out Bob Geldof's divorce deal?
Paula Yates makes me laugh. I think it's great of Bob to let her live in his house, but I wish they'd stayed together - I think she's
much better off with Bob. My dad's Irish, and I've always liked Bob. I think they should split it half and half.

Should underage drinkers be sentanced to hard labour?
Erm, nah. If it's a bottle of cider on a street corner... well, everyone has to try it, don't they? It should be legalised, then people
wouldn't go mad on it. We should get rid of the legal drinking age, like in Italy. It should be down to the parents - in Italy, kids
are drinking wine at the table from an early age, and I'm sure they haven't got as many problems.

The 'stalkers bill' was recently thrown out. Should there be legal protection against loony fans?
Definitely - and not just for famous people. It depends how far you go, though. If it's just a few letters, you think, 'Oh saddo,'
but if people are following you and doing strange things, then it's not on.

Grammar schools are being brought back. Does Kavana QC think they're too elitist for the kids?
Yeah. Mixed, mixed, mixed, I say. Let everyone learn and feed off each other. This is where all this minority stuff and putting
everyone in groups comes from.

Should the Royal family be sent to the Tower?
Certain members. (Laughs) I'm not a lover of the Royal family. I'm sure they're lovely people, but the idea that we should
respect them just because they're royal is stupid.

Should neighbours who belt out records day and night be prosecuted? Or have you gotta fight for your right to
party?
(Smiling) You've definitely gotta fight for your right to party. I was belting out Kajagoogoo (very sad '80s poodle pop 'act')
when I was little, so I can't see a problem with it. You only have one life, enjoy it while you can - have a boogie!

It was rumoured that The Conservative Party were going to stop Sir George Gardiner MP because his looks put
voters off. (He was described as looking like "Dracula left out in the rain.") Are they guilty of discrimination?
(Laughing like a maniac) Oh yeah, definitely. That's not fair. If he's that foul-looking, God help him. He could always go for
movies as a horror star!

Robbie vs. Gary: who's the guilty party?
Well, I never really got to know Robbie, though I reckon I'd get on with him - he seems a really nice guy. We seem very alike
in a way, because he was very young when he started and I'm quite young, so I can relate to him in a lot of ways. Maybe there
was a reason for going too far - maybe he was lost, maybe he was feeling bad about it all. I don't agree with some of the things
he's done, but I do agree with some of the things he's said. Which things? I can't say. (Laughs in an embarassed way) At the
end of the day, I'm sure he's got his reasons.

Should Chris Evans be clapped in irons for being a menace to broadcasting?
I like Chris Evans, me - he's funny. But he has got too big for his boots recently. I liked him on The Big Breakfast, but I think
it's unfair that he only seems to play what he likes on the radio. Boyzone were pissed off that he was always slagging them off. I
think he could be a bit nicer. From what I've seen recently, he's going purely for shock power - but I'm sure he'll soon be back
to his normal ginger self.